Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She told me I should be a condom model.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
