I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
