He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
