I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
