i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
