So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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