He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
