i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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