I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
