I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
