just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
