So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
