Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
