you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
