I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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