Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
