i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
