At least make sure they are 18
Why
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize