My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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