he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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