can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
