So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize