Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
