real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
