Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Randomize
