Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
