you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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