this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have feelings that need drinking.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
