Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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