Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
