ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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