is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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