You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize