So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
