sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
