You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
