I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
