In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
