Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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