She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
