She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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