dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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