i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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