I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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