She is in my trunk
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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