He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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