Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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