you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
