I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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