They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
