Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize