Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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