Moan for me like Helen Keller
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
