how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
