My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
