Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
