We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
