My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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