I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
