I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
