well most of my day revolves around power hour
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
