Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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