I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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