I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
