she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
