wakey wakey hands off snakey
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
