so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
