so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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