Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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