you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
