Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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