69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
