I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
