if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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