I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
