I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
