she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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