Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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