when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize