I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
