this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
